New Friends
by AnitaHarris
Summary: Ever since that horrible night when he broke up with Nora, and she didn't break up with Kevin, she'd found herself here often. She would watch him. Watch how he moved, how he smiled, how his eyes brightened up when he laughed, how his mouth wrapped around the edge of his glass.
1. Chapter 1

_I own nothing, but would love to hear what you think! _

_This picks up a couple of weeks after Robin chooses Kevin over Barney. Everything up to that point happened, but nothing after that…_

_—__-—-Chapter 1—_

She was sitting in a booth in the very back of MacLaren's. Behind the wall sticking out were the bathroom was there was a booth half hidden away, were you could sit undisturbed without anybody seeing you.

She would come here whenever she needed some time to herself. When she needed a drink but really didn't want to deal with the rest of the gang. Lately she'd been coming here a lot. None of the others knew. If some of them came in she would just slide into the back of the booth, hiding from view until they left again.

Right now she was nursing a double scotch and peeking around the edge of the booth over to the bar. She frowned as she watched Barney taking a sip of his drink. None of the others were here, and Barney of course thought that he was alone.

Usually when she sat here watching him he would be picking up a girl within two minutes of walking in. She'd lost count of how many times she'd watched him shove his tongue down some girls throat while grabbing her ass. The same exact thing he'd used to do to her. Way back when they were dating.

Ever since that horrible night when he broke up with Nora, and she didn't break up with Kevin, she'd found herself here often.

She would watch him. Watch how he moved, how he smiled, how his eyes brightened up when he laughed, how his mouth wrapped around the edge of his glass.

Unfortunately, watching him also included watching him with other girls. Watching him flirt with them, make out with them, touch them.

Go home with them.

But tonight was different. He wasn't flirting with any of the girls in the bar. It almost seemed like he wasn't trying to sleep with anyone.

But it wasn't like she was relieved or anything. She didn't care if he slept with anyone or not. It's not like she came here to watch him. It's not like she had feelings for him or anything. She didn't care. She had Kevin, and he was good for her. If she was totally honest with herself, she didn't love him, but no one needed to know that.

As she continued to watch him, she couldn't help but wonder why he suddenly wasn't interested in hitting on any of the girls in the bar. She watched as a girl walked up to him and started practically throwing herself at him. Yet, he just smiled and said something while shaking his head, clearly turning her down.

Why was he acting like this?

Maybe he just wasn't that into hooking up with random girls any more? Maybe something was wrong? Something was bothering him..?

On that horrible night, as she'd come to think of it as, she had thought for a second that she had broken him. When she watched the smile disappear from his face as Kevin came in. When she shook her head at his questioning look, and he pressed his fingers to the brink of his nose. She thought for a second that he was pressing back tears. That she was actually watching his heart break.

But then, the next time she saw him, he was right back to being _awesome_ again. Back to sleeping with everything that moved.

They hadn't spoken since then. Sure they saw each other all the time, but only with the gang. Never alone. So they still hadn't breathed a word about what happened or how they might have been feeling about it.

But maybe tonight could be different. He looked uninterested in the women around him. He looked pensive, and if she was honest with herself, he looked sad. And something in the back of her mind told her that it was her fault.

Maybe she could go over and talk to him. Maybe she could say she was sorry, and how scared she had been that night. Not that she made a mistake, but she could at least tell him… something. Something that could cheer him up. Make his day a little better. Maybe they could go play lasertag or go to the cigar club like they used to do. Then she would at least have her friend back. She would at least be abel to spend some actual time with him, without always being fearful what the others could see.

Suddenly Barney's face lit up with a big smile. The biggest she had seen on him in months. A dark haired girl walked up to him, smiling back at him. She was almost as tall as him, with dark hair similar to Robins. She had on a long coat that looked exactly like one that Robin used to have back when she and Barney had just broken up.

Walking up to him, she walked straight into his arms, and he pulled her in for a long hug. A hug longer then what could be considered a greeting. Just before they pulled back from each other, he kissed the top of her hair.

They started talking excitedly to each other, and Robin watched with a morbid fascination. Barney was different now then before she walked in. He seemed lighter somehow. An easy smile played at his lips, as he listened intently to something the girl was saying.

After finishing the drink he was holding, he nodded to something the girl said and started putting his coat on. Then he took the girl´s hand, and they walked out of the bar together.

Robin sat staring at the place where they had just left, feeling herself filled with anger. She was so angry her nails were digging into the palm of her hand, making deep marks. This wasn't right! He could not just go of with some girl that looked like her. What? Did he have some sort of fetish with the way that she looked? Was that why he had slept with her even thou they were both in relationships with someone else? Did he do it just to satisfy some sick need? He had no right to use her like that. To play with her feelings like this, and to mess with her relationship with Kevin.

Anger fuming in her body she ordered a whole bottle of vodka. She was gonna drink until she passed out, and then tomorrow she could deal with this Barney situation. Right now she just wanted to shut everything out. Especially that voice in the back of her mind that told her the person she was actually angry with was herself.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed! I love it!

The woman will be back, but not quite yet.. Hope you don't hate this :p

Tell me what you think please!

I own nothing..

—- _Chapter 2 —-_

Robin felt herself tense when she saw Barney walk into the bar. The whole gang was there. She felt the anger that had started up last night swell up in her again. Why did he have to come tonight? She had actually been able to think of something else for a couple of minutes before he came in.

«Tonight is the night people!» He announced loudly as he walked up to the table.

«Tonight I am gone achieve that highest of titles that has for so long eluded me. The hat-rick!»

«What's a hat-rick?» Lily asked in her patient kindergarden voice that she used whenever Barney did something she didn't approve of. Which lets face it, was most of the time.

«Glad you asked Lily. A hat-rick is nailing 3 girls. Wait for it! In one night!»

A series of disgusted sounds and «Oh God, Barney!» broke out from the table.

«You can not be serious!» Kevin said, not yet used to Barney's crazy ideas.

«Isn't it time you grow out of this now Barney?» Lily said, clearly tired of Barney's dirty schemes.

«Why would I want to grow out of it? I'm awesome!»

«Sleeping with 3 women in one night is not awesome. It's more like a cry for help.» Ted said in his lecturing professor voice.

«Yea, you might want to join us in the grownup world now Barney. The time for that kind of behavior has long past.» Marshall joined in.

«You were doing so good with Nora. Why did you have to go mess that up?» Lily wanted to know.

The smile that had been on Barney's face melted away, and he shot Robin a quick look, before awkwardly looking down on the floor.

«It just.. It wasn't right. It wasn't what I wanted.»

«Yea well, she was probably the best ting a guy like you will ever get, so nice going with that one man!» Ted went on.

«I actually think you kind of messed up there buddy.» Marshall supported Ted.

Barney was silent, still looking down to the floor. The thought that he might be regretting letting Nora go, made Robins anger flair up even more.

«Well, I for one, think it worked out for the best.» Barney's eyes shot up to meet hers. She looked away, but he continued looking at her as she went on.

«Nora really dodged a bullet there. I mean, can you imagine a worse husband than Barney?»

«Having a husband that looked at every women he met like she was a piece of candy.» Marshall agreed.

«A husband that left the room every time she wanted to talk about something emotional.» Lily shot in.

«Or a husband that constantly put himself and his own needs first.» Robin added.

«And not to mention infidelity. I mean who here can honestly say that they see Barney being faithful over a longer period of time.» Ted asked the rest of the gang.

«Not me!» Marshall and Lily agreed.

«I guess we just have to face it.» Ted said with a small smile on his face, clearly thinking that this had gone over to being a joke. «Barney will forever be the single pervert of the gang.»

«The one that we can't let near the kids, because he'll scandalize them. Or use them in some disgusting play to get a girl, leaving them in need of therapy for the rest of their life's.» Lily added, making Marshall jump in to agree with her.

«Oh, don't worry baby. There is no way in hell I would ever leave our kids alone in a room with Barney.»

«The one that's still desperately hitting on girls way to young for him when he's old and grey.» Kevin tried to get back in the conversation.

«The one that ends up sad, pathetic and alone because no one in their right mind can stand to be with him, or even be his friend anymore!» As soon as the words left Robins mouth, everybody else at the table went quiet. She had said the words in a bitter, angry tone, clearly not meaning it as a joke.

First everyone looked at Robin, who was staring down into her glass. Then they all turned to look at Barney, who had is eyes fixed on Robin, a shocked expression on his face.

Barney turned around and walked out of the bar. Ted, Lily and Marshall all called after him, trying to get him to come back, but he didn't listen to them.

«What the hell was that Robin?» Marshall asked.

«What? You were all saying stuff.» Robin defended herself.

«You went to far.» Marshall stated the obvious.

«We all went to far. Way to far! I think we really hurt him, you guys.» Lily sounded worried.

«He'll bounce back. He's used to us getting down on him.» Ted's tone revealed that he wasn't really as confident as his words would have you believe.

«We should apologize! The next time we see him. And like, let him tell us some disgusting story of some bimbo he's nailed.» Lily concluded.

«Yes, good idea baby. And we can buy him some scotch. And maybe a lap dance!» Her husband chipped in.

As her friends went on, Robin was amazed at how clueless they all were. She had wanted to hurt him, so she had went strait for the jugular. She knew how untrue all these things had been. She knew that what they had said wasn't how Barney was at all. But her friends didn't. They actually thought that it had some truth to it. That they had just gone to far. Not that they just picked out every insecurity Barney had about himself and the role that he played in the group. About the show that he put on to hide his emotions. Not that they had just taken what she thought (hoped) might have been one of the most hurtful moments of his life, and rubbed it in his face.

They really didn't know Barney at all. They all bought in to the facade that he still put up, even though he had changed years ago.

And just like that, all the anger left her body, and she was just sad. She was so sad she thought she might choke on it.

Barney's closest group of friends didn't know him at all. He had opened himself up to her, saying he wanted them to have a second chance, that he wanted them to try again, and she had chosen Kevin. He had broken up with Nora, a girl he really cared about for her, and here she was cutting into him. Being cruel to him.

This had to stop. She had to fix her life. Somehow it had gotten all messed up, and she was with a man that she didn't love, and was viciously and purposefully hurting the man that… Barney. She had to fix this. But first she had to get out of this bar before she could no longer hold back the tears.


	3. Chapter 3

So.. some of you might not like the way that Barney gets treated, and I totally get that. However watching the show again, I get really mad at how they treat him sometimes. (Probably just a reaction to how much I hated the final, which I think almost ruined the whole show for me..) Of course this is exaggerated to get a point across, and to get this story to where I want it to go, but I hope you don't hate it to much..:)

But a little warning: things will get worse before they get better.

—-_ Chapter 3 —_

She was sitting at her booth again, watching the bar. The last three weeks she had been at MacLaren's every night. If the rest of the gang was there, she would sit with them, but on nights when they weren't there, she would sit in the back, intently watching the door.

After Barney had walked out of the bar that night, she had gone up to the apartment and cried herself to sleep. The next day she had broken up with Kevin. The problem was however, that none of them had heard anything from Barney since that night.

They had tried calling him, but there was no answer. They had tried going to his apartment but no one answered. They had tried going to his office, but security wouldn't let them in.

So she was sitting in MacLaren's watching the door. Like she had every night since he had walked away, hoping he would walk in. She had talked to Carl who told her that he still hasn't been in to pay of his bill, so he had to show up sooner or later. And when he did, she would be there. She didn't really have a plan for what she would do if he actually walked in, but she knew that she had to be there. She had to see him.

She had been there for a little over an hour, when he finally walked in. Her heart beat faster as she looked at him. He looked… good! He looked unbelievably good. He was leaning against the bar talking to Carl, and suddenly she realist that she had no idea what she was going to do. Did she want to talk to him? Follow him? As she watched him pay, it was clear that he was not going to stay. He actually seemed to be in a hurry to leave again, so she couldn't just sit here and watch him all night. She had to make a decision.

She got up and hurried over to the bar, reaching him just as he was turning around to leave.

«Barney!»

He turned to look at her, an uncomfortable look on his face.

«Uhh.. Hi. I was just leaving so..»

«Don't! Don't go. We haven't seen you all week.»

He looked at her. Stared her down a little bit.

«Well I'd think that was a good thing? A hole week of peace and quiet. No disgusting jokes… Just lots of _grownup_ time.»

There was an angry edge to the words, and she could see the fire in his eyes as he said them. Not knowing what to say, or how to get words out at all, she just stared at him. Clearly still angry, he turned around and stormed out of the bar. This kicked her into action again, running after him into the street.

«Barney wait! That was just a joke, we didn't think you would be so upset.»

«That was not a joke, and you know it. There was nothing funny about it.»

He was practically screaming at her in the street, making her stumble thru the next words leaving her mouth.

«Well… we.. We didn't think you'd be so upset.»

She just ended up repeating her earlier words, not knowing what else to say. Barney was clearly not impressed, and he reached his arm out, calling for a cab.

«We're sorry, ok! We're really sorry. Just come back. We miss you!»

This finally made him look over to her again.

«I.. I mean.. The group misses you. What are we going to to for entertainment if your not around. The group needs you Barney!»

At this he looked away from her again. He almost looked… disappointed.

«Has it ever occurred to any of you that I don't just want to be the entertainment? That maybe I am more than that? That words can actually hurt?»

The pain in his voice was so clear now, that Robin couldn't get any more words out. She couldn't think of anything to say.

They had hurt him. Like really hurt him. Deeply. They were supposed to be his best friends, his family, and yet, they had treated him horribly. Barney didn't deserve that. He deserved better. But now that she knew how badly they had messed up, how deeply they had hurt him, she couldn't make herself fix it. She couldn't get herself to talk, to stop him. She was just frozen. Paralyzed by what she had done to this wonderful man.

A cab finally stopped for him.

«Stop calling me.» He muttered as he got in and drove away from her.


	4. Chapter 4

— _Chapter 4 —-_

Robin had just finished telling the rest of the gang what had happened, and it was totally quiet in the apartment. No one said a word for a long while, letting Robins words sink in. They were all baffled by how royally they had messed up. How bad friends they had been. Yet as Robin sat in the quiet she couldn't help thinking that the reality was still so much worse than what the others knew. The reality was what she had done to him…

«We have to go over there!» Marshall said, bringing them all out of there private thoughts.

«Yes! We have to beg him on our knees to forgive us. To take us back.» Ted shipped in.

«We can't lose Barney you guys!» Lily said with a hint of panic in her voice. «I know I joke around a lot, and complain a lot about how he is, but he's family. And he's one of the best people I know. We have to get him to see how much we love him!»

«We will sweetie! We'll go over there right now, and we'll tell him. It will be ok.» Marshall put his hand on his wife's shoulder in an attempt to comfort her.

«What if he won't forgive us? What if he's not even there?» The worry was evident in Ted's voice.

«Then we'll wait until he comes home, and beg him to forgive us until he does! And if that doesn't work then we'll just get him some really nice scotch.» Marshall said as he got up and started walking towards the door.

«Or a lapdance!» Ted added, following him out.

Robin walked behind the rest of the gang, being the last to leave the apartment. They still didn't get it. Yea, they knew that they had hurt him, and how strongly he reacted. But only because she told them. They still didn't really understand why he was so hurt, or what it was that they had really done that was so bad. But how could they, a voice in the back of her mind said, when they still had no idea what she had done to him by staying with Kevin.

3

He wasn't home when they got there. So they sat down and waited. It took almost four hours before he came walking down the hallway.

And he wasn't alone!

He was with a girl. But not just any girl, the same girl that he had been waiting for at the bar. The one that kind of looked like her.

The smile died on his face when he saw them there.

«What are you doing here?» He was looking right at her when he said it, and for a second she thought that he was talking only to her. That is, until Lily jumped in to answer him.

«We're so sorry Barney. We didn't mean to hurt your feelings. We love you. Your one of our best friends.»

«Yea, a night at the bar just isn't the same without you man.» Ted added.

«You have to forgive us man! We had no idea what big jackasses we were being. I mean, it was meant as a joke, but we clearly took it to far!»

As Marshall finished speaking, all eyes fell to Robin, everyone expecting her to say something as well. She glanced at Barney, then at the girl standing behind him, and then back to Barney again before looking uncomfortably down to the floor.

«Uhm… Sorry.»

It was quiet for a little while until everybody realized that she wasn't going to say anything else, and one by one they all turned their eyes back on Barney.

«Right…» She didn't dear to look at him, but she could hear a small sigh escape his mouth, before he went on.

«I don't really care any more.» And with that he walked over to his door, unlocked it, and went into his apartment, shutting the door on the rest of the gang, all the while ignoring the desperate pleas from Lily, Marshall and Ted asking him to forgive them. To please talk to them.

When it was clear that he wasn't going to open the door to let them in, and neither of them felt they could just let themselves in, they turned away from the door. And saw the girl that had been with Barney still watching them.

«Oh. I forgot about you.» Lily let slip out. «I guess Barney did to. But don't worry sweetie, it's probably just as well.»

The girls eyes widened, and she shook her head a little at Lily's comment.

«What's the point in an apology, if you don't really mean a word of what your saying? »

The rest of the gang was clearly surprised by her words, but Robin understood exactly what she meant.

«The next time you try to apologize, I recommend actually knowing what it is your suppose to apologize for first. You might get a little further that way.»

«Hey! We know what we're apologizing for. Barney's our friend, we know him well enough to know when we've hurt his feelings.» Ted shot back, taking offense at her words.

«Clearly.» The girl shot back, her voice dripping with sarcasm. «Might want to wake up and take a good look around there,_ Marshall or Ted_. Anyone who spends more then a couple of hours with Barney can see what a sweet guy he is. I don't know what he was like before, but from what he tells me, it sounds like he really changed. And you, his _best friends_, didn't even notice.» She said the Marshall and Ted part really fast, like it was one name, and it was up to them to insert which ever one they wanted.

«It's Ted.» Ted shot back.

«Really don't care.» The girl said as she walked around them to get to Barney's door. «And sooo not the point.»

And with that she walked into Barney's apartment like it was the most natural thing in the world, leaving the four friends staring at the door.


	5. Chapter 5

So... some of you are going to hate me for this.. :p But this is the worst of it, I promise! Things will be getting better soon :)

— _Chapter 5 —-_

They were back at the bar, and Robin was staring down into her glass, slowly swirling the scotch around. Her friends were all discussing Barney, the girl and what had just happened. Sometimes she would catch glimpse of the conversation.

'she was right'

'we know Barney better'

'what did we do?'

'maybe he has been different'

'he would never turn down a lapdance'

'maybe he really loved Nora'

But mostly she was just to lost in her own thoughts to pay attention.

She knew him!

The girl. She knew him. Like really knew him. She wasn't just some girl he had picked up to sleep with and then never call again. They had talked. She knew him the same way that Robin knew him. Maybe even better. They were seeing each other. What if they were dating? Or worse. Were in a relationship.

She had turned Barney down. Maybe even broken his heart, and now they weren't even friends anymore. But this girl. He had talked to her. Talked to her about this fight with the group. About what he was like before. And probably a lot more from the way that she talked about him.

The thought of him with her made Robin crazy. Because it looked good. It looked genuine. It looked like they cared about each other. Like it was something real. Something terrifyingly similar to what she could have had with him.

Not only did this girl look like her, but he let her see him. Something he hadn't even done with Nora. She was suppose to be the only person that ever got to see that part of him. But here he was, obviously sharing it with this girl.

It made her feel like he was done with her. Like he didn't need her anymore. Like she didn't matter anymore. She wasn't the only girl he had loved or opened up to anymore. This girl had replaced her.

And now… Maybe Barney would have a future with this girl. A future with a marriage, and kids, and all the things that she wanted with Barney but had never until this moment allowed herself to admit to.

It was to much. If she was any other girl, she would probably be breaking down in tears, openly sobbing to her friends right now, because this realization was just to much to bear. It was just to horrible right now.

But she wasn't any other girl. She was Robin Scherbatsky. And Robin Scherbatsky did not cry in front of her friends. She did not let people see how broken she was.

So she got up, walked over to the bar and ordered the biggest bottle of vodka they had. For now she would just get as drunk as possible, as quickly as possible. And then she could cry tomorrow. When she was alone in her room, and all of her friends just thought that she had a hangover.

3

It's funny what you remember after a night of drinking way to much.

She mostly just remembered glimpses of last night.

Carl telling her she'd had enough.

Some guy hitting on her.

Something about a rooster in the toilette of MacLaren's.

The phone conversation however, she remembered perfectly. Not when it was, or what had possessed her to call. But she remembered every single word.

—

«Hello» Barney's voice was grubby, like she had just woken him up.

«Hi!» Obs. A little to loud, Robin, she scolded herself in her mind.

«Robin? What do you want?» He sounded surprised. And not entirely happy about it.

«I just wanted to talk.»

«Now? I already told you I don't want to talk to you.»

«Do you love her?» It was out of her mouth before she could stop herself.

«What? Who?»

«That girl. The me look a like.»

«Who? Sara? She doesn't look like you. I wouldn't be with her if she looked like you.» That hurt.

«Not that I'm with her…»

«Your not?» He could probably hear the hope in her voice, even thru the phone, but she was way beyond caring. He was quiet for a long time.

«What do you want Robin?»

«I just…» She took a deep breath, readying herself for what was perhaps one of the scariest things she had ever done.

«I wanted to tell you something. To explain something. About the night that you and Nora broke up.»

It was dead quiet on the other end of the line.

«About why I chose Kevin.»

«Who are you talking to babe?» She could hear a women's voice in the background, and what sounded like sheets rustling.

She froze completely. She was there! He was in bed with her right now, and she was calling him babe. Why had she thought that he was alone? Of course she was there. Sleeping with him. Spending time with him. Loving him?

A stranger knocking into her broke her out of her thoughts, and she realized that neither one of them had said anything for quite some time.

«He was just the better man!» She blurted out. «After I talked to him I realized how ridicules the idea of the two of us was. I mean… Why would I want to have a couple of months worth of sex with you, when I could have a marriage, kids, a house, and a future with him. Someone who isn't a pervert, someone who isn't so messed up by his dad leaving him that he can never really care about anybody but himself.»

As her rant ended, she drew in a shaky breath, and a sob escaped her lips.

Barney was quiet on the other end.

She didn't understand why he didn't say anything back. Why he didn't defend himself. Why he didn't scream back at her that none of this was right.

Maybe he was waiting for her to say something else. To take it back. To tell him the truth. To tell him how much she loved him, and how crazy it made her to think of him with someone else.

«I…»

But just as she was about to say something the line went dead.

—

This was it. The end of their relationship. Not even the hope of something was left anymore now. She had destroyed any chance they ever had at there being a _them_. Not that she wanted to sound melodramatic or anything….

But this was the worst thing she had ever done.


	6. Chapter 6

—_Chapter 6 —-_

It's not like she didn't want to make things right with Barney. Nothing would make her happier. She just didn't know how.

She absolutely couldn't call him again.

Going over to his place felt like an intrusion. Like it wasn't allowed after what she had done to him. And to be honest, _Sara_ would probably be there, and she really didn't think that she could handle seeing them together right now.

She really wanted to talk to him. To make things right. She just didn't know how.

There was a knock on the door, and since she was closest to it, she got up to open it. Lily and Marshall had come over to discuss their latest plan on how to get Barney back, and they were huddled over a drawing Ted was making on his drawing table of what looked like a robot girl with boobs full of scotch.

She opened the door, and was suddenly face to face with Sara.

The girl stared at her almost defiantly, daring her to comment on the fact that she was there. Eventually Robin just stepped back, bowing her head in shame. Sara obviously knew what she had done to Barney.

As Sara walked into the room, the others looked up from their plans in surprise.

«What are you doing here?» Ted asked, ever the gentleman.

«I want to talk to you.» As Sara announced this the rest of the gang went straight over to the couch to sit down. Robin on the other hand, hung back, standing to the side, behind the couch.

«Is it about Barney?» Lily asked, clearly intrigued.

«Of course it's about Barney. Why else would I be here?» There was a hint of anger in Sara's voice as she spoke.

«Listen, I have been debating all day about whether or not this is a good idea. To tell you the truth, a big part of me still thinks that this is a huge mistake, but…» She took a deep breath, as if admitting this was hard.

«I really believe that Barney needs you in his life. Despite what unbelievably crapy friends you are, he loves you. And I don't think he can ever really be happy unless you are a part of his life. So you need to open you eyes and get your shit together! If you want to save your friendship with Barney you have to start seeing him for who he really is. And that includes both tolerating his player bullshit, and understanding the man that he is underneath all that.»

She took a break as if she was waiting for protests from any of them. When no one said anything, she went on.

«Tomorrow night we are going to a party for Barney's brother, so Barney will have to be there. I talked to James, and he would be happy to have you all come. But I swear to god, this is the last chance you are going to get. You either make this right, or I will do everything in my power to keep you away from him for the rest of my life! I just spent the better part of the night trying to get him to stop trying to drink himself to death because of you.»

At this she looked over at Robin, who quickly looked away.

«I will not let you do that to him again. Never again! Do you understand?»

The three people on the couch just nodded their heads, to shocked to really say anything.

«Good. I'll see you tomorrow then. Don't mess this up!»

And with that she left the apartment.

It was dead quiet after the door closed behind Sara. Marshall was the first to speak.

«Barney tried to drink himself to death because of us?!»

Robin ran through the room, trying to get to the bathroom quick enough. As soon as she got there, she threw up.


	7. Chapter 7

—- _Chapter 7 —_

She was beyond nervous. She didn't even think that there was a word for how she felt right now.

The others kept talking about how nervous they were as well, but they didn't know how bad this really was. They didn't know what she had done. How was she suppose to talk to him, to look him in the eyes?

They were standing by the door after just walking into the party and all of their eyes automatically started searching for Barney.

«There he is!» Marshall said, pointing over to a small group of people in the middle of the rather large room.

He was standing with two people, one of which she immediately recognized as Sara. The other was a man. He was the same height as Barney, with dark hair, and of course, a suit. Something about the way he looked made it seem like he wasn't a serious guy. He looked… fun! Easy going.

As they were all watching the man finished talking, and the group broke into laughter. Even though they knew nothing about this man, or Sara for that matter, it was clear that this was a close group of friends. Barney looked like he was standing with his two closest friends in the world. Like they had known each other for years.

And he looked… happy.

It had been a long time since she'd seen him look happy. It made her think for a second, that maybe he'd be better of without them. Without her in his life.

«I'm gonna go talk to him.» Lily announced.

«I'll come with you honey.» Marshall said, grabbing her hand and taking a deep breath before they started making their way over to where Barney was.

When they reached him, Barney's smile fell from his lips. His eyes immediately searched the party looking, she assumed, for her and Ted. His eyes landed on her.

He looked anything but happy any more. He looked… broken.

As Lily started talking, Barney's eyes looked back to her. After Lily had said what ever it is she said to him, he looked torn for a minute, before slowly nodding his head. As he turned around, Lily and Marshall followed him out onto the balcony.

They were gone for a long time. When they finally came back in, Lily and Marshall made their way back to them with big smiles on their faces.

«He forgave us!» Lily cheered.

«We did it! We got him back!» Marshall joined in, an ecstatic expression on his face.

«Really?» Ted sounded almost surprised, having lost faith in their success after they had been gone for so long. «How did you do it?»

«Well there was a lot of tears, and a lot of deep emotions.» Marshall said, with Lily nodding along beside him.

«And we all really opened up and talked, like we haven't done in a long time. It was so good, just being completely honest with each other like that… It really makes you reevaluate a few things.»

«And it makes the friendship that much stronger of course.» Robin couldn't help but feel a little bit of resentment at how smug Marshall looked when he said this.

«I'm gonna go try!» Ted drowned the rest of his drink and slammed it down on the bar. «Wish me luck!»

Lily and Marshall called out their best wishes for him, before excusing themselves to go talk to Barney's new friends, saying how much it meant to Barney that they like them.

So she was left alone again. Deciding she definitely didn't like this party, she headed over to the bar.

3

Four and a half drink later and she was still alone at the bar. Lily and Marshall were still of somewhere talking to Barney's new friends, and Ted and Barney still hadn't come back from the balcony, which was apparently where all the big talk's were taking place this evening.

Suddenly a man sat down next to her and gave her a smile. It was the guy she had seen Barney and Sara with earlier. Barney's new friend.

«Hi. You looked kind of lonely over here, so I thought I might buy you a drink.»

«Actually, drinks isn't something I'm running low on tonight. Unless you want me passing out on you tonight we better make it something else.»

«Well…» He left the rest unsaid, with a suggestive smile on his face, making it clear what he meant. Despite her bad mood, she couldn't help but laugh a little at his antics. He was funny, and she really needed a distraction right now. Even if it was from Barney's new friend. Maybe she could even get some information out of him. Like how to get Barney back, or about how serious this thing with Sara really was.

«How about a coffee then?» He asked.

«A coffee would be great.» She smiled back at him.

«So. If you don't mind me asking. Why is a pretty girl like you sitting here all alone?»

«Oh, my friends are here somewhere…»

«And… why the sad face?»

«I'm just.. Not having the best night.» Seeing as that fact had everything to do with Barney she thought it best not to tell him to much about it.

«Don't want to talk about it?»

«No. Definitely not.»

«Ok, how about we try to get your mind off it then?» He smiled warmly at her.

«I would like that!» She smiled back.

«I'm Mark by the way.» He held out his hand to her. Taking it, she introduced herself as well.

«Robin.»

A frown set over his face. «Not Barney's Robin?»

«I'm… I'm not Barney's Robin. I… I'm just Robin.» She had trouble getting the right words out, not really knowing how to react to being labeled as _Barney's._

His expression changed then, going from flirty to more serious and… was that pity?

«Well, nice to meet you _just Robin_. Hope you night gets better.» And with that he turned from her as if to leave.

«Wait? Your leaving? I thought you were going to get my mind off what a bad night I'm having?»

«I don't think that's such a good idea. But I hope you find some way to distract yourself. Talking to someone perhaps? Might help?» And with a clever smile he left her alone again.

Before she had time to think to much about being _Barney's Robin,_ or what it meant that as soon as he learnt this Mark stopped hitting on her, Ted came back from his talk with Barney.

«That was enlightening! It was extraordinary! I swear to God, me and Barney are closer than ever.» Ted was practically bouncing in his seat as he signaled to the bartender to bring him a drink.

«Really? It went that good?» The disbelief in Robin's voice was clear.

«Yes! Not that it was easy or anything. That was probably one of the hardest talk's I have ever had. Or will ever have in my life… Barney was really mad, and hurt. And he had every reason to be. But once I just did what Lilly and Marshall said and was totally honest and really listened to what he had to say back… It was so good!»

Robin was stunned. All her friends had made up with Barney. Not only had they made up with him, but they had deep meaningful talks with him. She had been looking down at her friends for not really seeing the real Barney. For not knowing him like she did. But maybe the truth was that it was her that didn't know him anymore. Maybe he had changed, and now she was the one that didn't know him. That didn't really see him for all that he was.

The thought made her sick.

«I have to go. Sara is gonna show me how to swing around on a strip-pole! Go talk to him Robin! It will make everything so much better! Go get your friend back!»

And with that Ted was gone, and Robin was left alone at the bar again. She looked around the room and found Barney talking to Lily and Marshall over by the fireplace. They looked comfortable with each other again. Like nothing had ever been wrong.

Robin turned back to the bar, ordering another drink. She wasn't ready for this yet.

3

After almost two hours, and she had lost count of how many drinks, she found herself out on the balcony.

After she had been out there for a while, someone came out and was standing beside her looking out over the city. She moved her head slightly to try and see who it was.

It was Barney. He had a drink in his hand, and was standing with a good distance between them. If you didn't know that they had known each other for years, someone might have thought that they were strangers.

No one said anything for a long time.

Eventually Robin felt like she had to say something. This was why she had come out here after all. She was to chicken to actually go up to him, but this seemed to be where all the big talks were happening tonight, and she had thought that if she came out here he would understand why. Obviously he did. He had come out here. He had done his part. Actually he had done more then what could be expected of him, considering the way she had treated him lately. Now it was her turn.

It was just so hard. After a lot of soul searching, she knew what she wanted now. She wanted him. She wanted a life with him.

But at the same time, she was deeply aware of what she had done to him. For someone who claimed to love him, her behavior was inexcusable. There really was no reason why he should forgive her.

Unless, perhaps… if he loved her? Your suppose to forgive the one's you love right? On the other hand, if he did love her, that just made what she had done even worse.

And on top of that, there was Sara. Regardless of whether or not Barney loved her, he was with Sara now. And he seemed happy with her. So even if Barney had loved her when he asked her to break up with Kevin and give him a second chance, he had moved on now. She had lost her chance.

All of this made the words die in her throat. All the thing's she should say about love and regrets, about how sorry she was and the future she wanted with him. She just couldn't get them out. It was to much of a risk.

If she told him that she loved him, he might reveal that he didn't anymore. Or worse, that he never had.

If she told him about her regrets, he might not be sympathetic. After all, she didn't deserve it.

If she told him how sorry she was, he might not accept her apology. Or worse, it could be to little to late, and then she would know for sure that their friendship really was over.

And if she told him about the future she wanted with him, he might take that dream away from her. He might confirm once and for all, her deepest fear. That the future she envisioned for them would never be. And right now, that dream about their future was the only thing keeping her going. It was the only thing holding her together through all this mess.

So there she was, standing next to the man that she loved, and she just couldn't get the words out.

The frustration of the situation got to her, and she could feel the tears pressing in her eyes.

Quickly wiping the first tear away, she took two steps closer to him, reached out and grabbed his hand.

She looked away from him, trying to calm down. Then she felt him squeezing her fingers.

She squeezed back like it was her lifeline, like it was her everything.

Eventually she calmed down enough to stop the tears.

After a long silence she started feeling awkward again.

«I bought some awesome cigars the other day. Their from Nicaragua.»

She turned around so she was facing him. It took her a little bit longer, but eventually she looked towards him. He just looked at her expectantly, like he was waiting for her to say something that actually mattered.

«Their really good!» She blurted out. «You should try one! They go great with scotch.»

At this he looked down to the ground, and dropped her hand from his grasp. He looked… disappointed. There was no doubt about it. Barney had expected more from her, and he was disappointed that she hadn't been able to give it to him.

Just as Robin started wondering if the reason he was disappointed only had to do with friendship or not, Ted stepped out onto the balcony.

«You guys make up yet?»

She looked awkwardly up at Barney, almost pleading him to… What? She hadn't even apologized to him. How could she expect anything from him.

«Yea, we're good.» Barney's voice was dry when he said it, no trace of the happiness that had followed the other reunions with the gang.

Ted, on the other hand, did not pick up on this. «That's great! Oh, I'm so happy! The gang's all together again. This is gonna be legend - wait for it - dairy! Legendary! Let's go tell Lily and Marshall, their gonna be so happy!»

Barney, who had held her eye up until this point, looked away from her, and started to walk away. «Actually, I should find Sara and Mark. Their new here and don't really know a lot of people so… See you inside.»

And with that he was gone, and Robin was left standing alone out on the balcony again, while Ted followed Barney into the party.


	8. Chapter 8

— Chapter 8 —

After the party things had pretty much gone back to normal with the gang.

They all started hanging out again, except they were never alone together.

They were all talking again, except he never said her name or spoke directly to her.

The gang had all their inside jokes again, except he never looked at her anymore.

Before, he would always look to Robin the minute he said a dirty joke, or he would laugh along with her when she said something she knew he would appreciate. Now, the best she had gotten so far was a small smile while he looked down at the table.

There wasn't any big changes. No one else had noticed it.

It was just that everything that was _them_ was gone. Every little ting that was just_ Robin and Barney_ in the group was gone.

Other then that, Barney had gone right back to his normal self. It was almost as if the whole fight never happened. Except that now they obviously had two new members to the group. Sara and Mark.

And apparently, everybody loved them.

Everybody, that is, except Robin. Who hated them.

Now they had just left. Thank god! Something about them going to a charity function.

«God, who even goes to those charity things anymore?» Robing complained to the rest of the group.

The others just looked at her strangely, everybody that was, except for Barney who was over at the bar, talking to some girl.

«And did you hear the way she was rubbing it in? Like it was some big deal. Like they were better then us. God! What a bitch.»

«Uh, Robin.» Lily was looking at her like she'd just grown a second head. «She wasn't rubbing it in. I think saying that you'd rather not go, but that you have to for work is actually the opposite of rubbing it in.»

Marshall was quick to join his wife. «Yea. What's your problem Robin? I thought we liked Sara and Mark?»

«We do!» Lily answered for the whole group.

Before anyone could say anything else on the topic, they were interrupted by Ted. «You guys, look at the bar!»

Everyone looked around to see Barney making out with the girl he had been talking to.

Robin felt a very weird mix of emotion. On the one hand, watching Barney make out with someone, was torture. Absolute torture, and she had to look away quickly. On the other hand, what did this mean for his relationship with Sara? Did he not love her? Were they not as serious as she had thought? Was he cheating on her? Did they have an open relationship? Or was he going to break up with her? Either way this new line of thought brought a smile to her face.

If he didn't love Sara, then maybe there was still hope? Not a lot of hope of course, because he still wouldn't look at her, or talk to her. But either way, just the hope of him maybe not being in love with someone else, made everything better.

«Oh, my god! He's cheating on Sara?» Lily sounded outraged.

«Why would he do that? I thought they were so happy together.» Marshall joined in.

She noticed Ted wasn't saying anything. When she looked up, she found him studying her face intently. She tried to hide the smile.

All of a sudden Lily got up, marched over to Barney and dragged him right out of his make out session and back to the table.

«What the hell do you think your doing?» She yelled as soon as Barney dumped down in the chair at the top of the table.

«Well I was about to hook up with that girl over there.» He gave a wink back to the girl at the bar, who looked completely confused.

«Your cheating on Sara?» Marshall asked in an accusing tone.

«What? No! You can't cheat on someone if your not even in a relationship with them!» Barney sounded offended at the accusation.

«You and Sara aren't together?» Lily asked confused.

«No! What would make you think that?» Barney said.

«Maybe the fact that you've gone home together several times this week. And you even told us about that thing you did that broke your shower. «

Robin had to swallow down the bile rising in her throat. _Thank you Marshall, for bringing that up again. _Robin could have sworn she was ready to kill herself after sitting thru that particular story.

«Yeah sure, we sleep together, but we're not like _together_, together. Just last night she went home with that guy with the mustache tattoo. And tonight if all goes well, there's this guy in her office she's had her eye on for quite some time now.»

«So you don't love her?» Robin blurted out before she could stop herself. The hope and desperation in her voice was evident to anybody with half a brain.

Barney stole a glance at her, actually looking her in the eye, before returning his gaze to the glass in his hand.

«I love her like a friend.» He said.

Then his face lit up as if he had an idea, and his gaze returned to met her's as he said: «Like I love you guys!»

Lily 'awww'ed, and said she loved him to, Marshall and Ted joining in with their _'I love you_'s. But Barney just continued to keep his eye's locked on her's, as if daring her to say it to.

«I…» This wasn't how she wanted to say it. Confessing that she loved him was a big deal, which it had taken her months, and a lot of agonizing with herself to be able to admit. She didn't want to tell him like this. On a dare, in front of the whole gang, who had no idea what it really meant. Not like this, when _he _might not even pick up on what she really meant.

«Hey Barney, heads up!» Ted pointed to the girl that he was making out with earlier, as she made her way over to them.

«Hey Barney, were you gonna show me that mirror you picked from the wreck of the Titanic or what?»

«Sure babe, lets go» He gave the girl a wink as he got up and put his coat on. «Marshal and Lily, I'll see you for dinner tomorrow. Ted, good luck with your big meeting. Bye you guys!» And just like that he was back to ignoring her again. Back to not looking at her.

She took a big swallow of her drink, letting the alcohol burn in her throat, as she watched him leave the bar.

3

Later that night, she and Ted were the only two left at the bar, and she had been drinking a lot.

«Might want to slow down on the drinks there Robin.» Ted said as she signaled over to the bar for another one.

«Why? I see no reason not to drink as much as I possibly can tonight.» Her speech was a little slurred.

«You've been drinking a lot lately.» Ted observed.

«So?» Robin said, emptying the drink in front of her.

Ted was quiet for a long time, studying her.

«What?» She finally yelled, getting uncomfortable.

«I have this theory… That something important happened the night that Barney broke up with Nora.»

«What? Why would you think that?» Her voice was high pitch, and her heart was beating fast in her chest.

«That night, Barney was sad but optimistic when we meet him at the bar. But then, when he left, after you and Kevin shoved up, he looked devastated.» Ted studied her face, looking for a reaction.

«And later, when I went up to the apartment, I saw him in your room.» That got her attention, and her eyes shot up to Ted's, waiting for him to continue.

«Your room was filled with candles and rose petals, and he was cleaning it all up.»

That was it, the crack in her armor. She couldn't hide her emotions anymore. Tears started streaming down her face, as Ted went on.

«At the time I thought I had just imagined it, because I was so high. But now I'm 100% sure that it was real.» He took a breath before going on.

«Barney's in love with you. And your in love with him!»

He looked at her as she cried, until she was able to collect herself enough to get words out.

«I don't think he is anymore. I'm not sure how he could be….»

«I hurt him!»

And just like that she started talking. She told him everything. How they had slept together. How he had wanted them to try again, saying he didn't wish that it had never happened, saying it could be the story of them getting back together. She told him about the deal they had made and how she had chickened out and stayed with Kevin. She told him how angry she had been after that, and how she had taken that anger out on Barney, being mean to him. She told him about her realization that she had made a mistake staying with Kevin, and about her drunken phone call. Then she admitted the truth about their supposed talk out on the balcony. How she hadn't really said anything. How she hadn't even apologized. And then, finally, she told him how Barney was towards her now. How he didn't look at her, didn't talk to her anymore.

«So, I'm pretty sure there is no way he could still love me after all of that.»

Ted looked at her for a long time.

«I think he does.» Robin almost laughed at him.

«The way you treated him was horrible Robin. I'm not denying that. It's no wonder he was hurt. Anybody would be.»

Ted paused, collecting his thoughts before going on.

«But I really think he loves you more then that. I think your love is strong enough to get true this. You just have to tell him how you really feel. He has to know how much you love him, and why you did the things you did.»

«Not that there is any excuse for how you treated him. But I think that if he knew why it all happened, he would forgive you.»

«I don't think so. I don't think there is any way to forgive what I have done.»

«You won't know until you try.» Ted said in his lecturing dad voice.


	9. Chapter 9

I wasn't going to write something for a while, but then I got a review and changed my mind. So thank you for reviewing! :)

The end of this chapter is the reason for the M rating. If you don't like that sort of thing, just skip the ending... First time writing a sex scene, so I'm really nervous about it :p

— Chapter 9 —

After Ted's little speech were he revealed Barney in her room, and the fact that he had apparently covered her room in candles and rose petals, thinking that they would get back together, Robin needed some time away from everybody else.

She needed some time to herself, to get to terms with her own feelings and the way she had acted lately. She couldn't keep dancing around this any longer. She loved Barney, and even though she was scared, she had to tell him how she felt, so that she could know once and for all if there was any hope for them.

If he didn't love her, then that would be devastating, but then she could at least work on getting him back in her life as a friend. Even that would be better then the way things were now, when they weren't anything other then a red hot mess of hurt feelings and missed chances.

So she had decided to rejoin the gang, and look for an opportunity to talk to Barney. To really talk to him.

However when she walked back into the bar after having been gone for over two weeks, the only one sitting in their booth was Sara.

Robin felt beyond disappointed. She had almost forgotten about Sara in her decision to finally be honest with Barney.

She turned around to leave again, not wanting to talk to the girl, but then she changed her mind. If she wanted Barney back as a friend, or hopefully, something more, then she had to learn to deal with the girl. So she walked over and sat down across from Sara in the booth.

Sara looked surprised at Robin sitting down opposite her.

«Haven't seen you in a while.» Sara commented.

«I needed some time to myself… How is everybody?»

«Good. Things are good.» Sara said shrugging a shoulder.

«Marshall and Lily?» Robin asked.

«Their good. We all went to look at baby clothes the other day, they were in heaven.»

«Good. And how's Mark?»

«Also good. He just won a bet against Barney about who could win the most games of laser tag in 24 hours, so he's pretty much over the moon.»

Robin was beyond uncomfortable, but Sara didn't seem to notice at all.

«And… you?»

«I'm good.» Sara raised an eyebrow at her, as if daring her to ask what it was she really wanted to know.

«And… Ted? How's Ted?»

«Don't you live with Ted?» Sara asked looking at her strangely.

«Well, with this whole time to myself lately, we haven't really talked.»

«Riiight…» Sara dragged it out, sounding doubtful of her explanation. «Well, Ted's good to.»

«Ok. Good!» Robin shifted nervously in her seat, not really knowing where to look. Asking Sara, of all people, about Barney just didn't feel right.

«Why don't you just ask about Barney? That's clearly what you want to know.»

«I…» She was about to deny it, but then she remembered her new decision to fix her life. To stop messing everything up and just be honest. And to try to be friends with this girl, who was obviously a big part of Barney's life.

«How's Barney?» Robin asked so quietly that you almost couldn't hear her voice.

«He's ok.» Sara said studying her.

Robin was almost disappointed. Not that she had hoped he wasn't ok. She was just so desperate for news about him, after going two whole weeks without seeing him, that _ok_ didn't really cut it.

«Considering the fact that the only woman he has ever really loved, broke his heart, then stomped all over it, and has now been missing from his life for the last two week's, he's doing surprisingly well.»

Robin was speechless, her mouth hanging open in shock.

«I mean he's been driving us crazy, asking every two minutes about where you might be, or why you've been staying away, but… That's to be expected I suppose.»

And now she was beyond speechless. He loved her? He asked about her? He loved her?

It took her several minutes to collect herself enough to close her mouth, swallow a couple of times, and then actually get some words out.

«I….» «He…?» She didn't say they were good words. Or intelligent for that matter?

«He was in love with me?»

Sara looked her right in the eye. «Yes.»

«How…» She stuttered again. «Aren't you together?» She just couldn't wrap her mind around this situation. Why would Sara be telling her this?

«No, we're not together.» She said it slowly, as if afraid that Robin might not really hear her. Then she continued, when she was sure she had Robin's attention.

«We met at a bar right after the night that you turned him down. I remember thinking he looked really sad. We got to talking, and eventually I went home with him. Then, when we were… you know.» She looked at her with a pointed look. «He called me Robin. So I asked him about it, and he kind of broke down. When he calmed down, we started talking, and he told me the whole thing. We've been friends ever since.»

«But… you sleep together!?» Robin wasn't sure if it was a question or an accusation.

«Ok, so sometimes we're friends with benefits. But nothing more.»

Robin was quiet for a long time after that, just letting it all sink in. He wasn't with Sara. He never had been. And he had loved her. Even if he didn't now, he had at least loved her then. Not only was that unbelievably good to know, but it brought a new hope to her heart. If he loved her then, there was a small chance that he still loved her today. Or at least that she could get him to fall in love with her again.

«I really hurt him» She said, more to herself, then to Sara.

«I know» Sara said.

«How could I do that to someone I love? I love him more than anything, and yet I've never messed anything up so badly before. I just keep pulling back, being to scared to say what I know I really should say.»

«Then don't!» Sara said, as if it was the easiest thing in the world. «Don't pull back. Don't be scared. Just tell him how you feel.»

«I'm going to!» Robin announced. «That's what I've been figuring out these last weeks. Why I came back to join the living… I'm going to tell him. I really am. I just want to find the right moment.»

Sara gave her a disappointing look.

«There is no right moment Robin. While your sitting here waiting for the right moment, he could be out meeting someone else! You could miss your chance.»

She was right. Robin got up and ran out of the bar as fast as she could.

She got to his place in record time, and before she had time to think about it she was banging on his door.

He opened it, looking confused by all the banging.

«Robin?» He was clearly shocked by her being there.

«Can I come in?» She asked, out of breath.

«Sure.» He held out a hand, stepping back from the door. «Do you want some water or something?»

«I made a mistake» She announced, ignoring his question. «I never should have stayed with Kevin! I didn't love him, not at all! It's just the thought of being with you… it was so scary, I just let the fear take control I guess.»

«It's ok…» He started. «I get it…»

«No, you don't!» She interrupted him. «I should have chosen you! I should have just been honest about how I felt right away! I love you!»

He was totally quiet, his mouth hanging open a little bit as he looked at her.

«I was just to scared to choose you back then. The thought of us not working out, was just to devastating. I couldn't bear it. Because the truth is that I love you, more than I have ever loved anyone.»

She looked at him with hope in her eyes as she continued.

«And I am so sorry about the way that I have treated you. I was just so angry at myself, at this whole situation that I put us in, and I took it out on you. And I know that it isn't fear, and that I treated you horribly, and I am so unbelievable sorry Barney!»

She had tears running down her face as she tried to explain herself.

«I just… I love you. So much!»

Barney continued to stare at her, and it was quiet for a long time. Just as she was starting to panic, Barney moved. He walked right up to her, and kissed her.

Relief flooded thru her body, and she wrapped her arms around him, pulling him as close as she could.

Having his lips on hers again felt… right. It felt incredible. Just like that, her life wasn't so bad anymore. Everything that had felt so hopeless, didn't matter anymore. All that mattered was Barney, and the fact that he was kissing her.

After a while, he pulled back and looked at her. As their eyes met, he had a small smile on his face, and she smiled back at him. His hands were still cradling her face after kissing her, and he brought his thumbs up to wipe away the tears that still lingered on her cheek. Then he leaned in and kissed her forehead.

The way he was treating her was so gentle it almost made her want to cry again.

But she didn't. Because the time for crying was over. She was in his arms, and he was pulling her in for another kiss.

This, however, was anything but gentle.

He let his arms drop to her lower back and her hip, as he pulled her as close to his body as he possibly could. His lips were almost crushing on hers, overwhelming her with a deep, passionate kiss.

She could feel every inch of his body, and as he forced his tongue into her mouth, she let out a small moan.

He started moving them, stumbling towards the bedroom. At the same time, his hands made their way around to the front of her shirt, starting to unbutton it. She did the same with his shirt, all the while continuing to kiss each other.

Clothes dropped one by one, as they made their way over to the bed, so that when they finally fell down on it, they were both naked.

Their frantic kisses turned slower now, as they started exploring each other. Their hands went everywhere, desperate to touch each other. Desperate to feel the other after such a long time apart.

Barney started kissing down her throat, at the same time as he moved his hand up between her legs, teasing her.

She breathed out a desperate «Please», and he gave her what she wanted, pressing a finger up into her.

After he moved it in and out a couple of times, feeling how ready she was for him, he couldn't wait anymore. He removed his hand, an positioned himself at her opening, pressing into her.

He moaned deep in his throat, as she cried out «yes», as they finally came together again.

He moved so he was almost all the way out of her, before pressing himself in again. She let her hands slide down his back, ending on his ass, pressing him even deeper into her.

He pulled back from kissing her to look down at her. With his eyes locked on her's he kept moving in and out of her at a steady pace.

Robin felt like she couldn't breathe, it was so intense.

Making love with Barney was always good. Incredibly, unbelievably good. But now that she had just been honest with him and told him how she felt. The way he was looking at her made her feel open. Exposed. Like he was looking right into her soul. She had never felt so open with anyone. And it made making love, really intense.

As they kept going, Robin was moaning and shouting out his name more and more. She was having trouble keeping her eye's open.

Barney quickened his pace a little bit, and brought his hand up to touch her breast. «I'm so close.» He moaned out.

«Me to.» She cried out.

He dropped his head to her throat, and moved into her hard and deep three more times, before coming with a loud cry, her name on his lips.

That was to much for Robin and she came as well, crying out his name and digging her nails into his back.

Afterwards Barney collapsed on top of her, both of them panting.


	10. Chapter 10

I sometimes get disappointed when stories end the moment they kiss, like that fixes everything that was wrong just moments before. What I wanted to do with this story was play with how wrong I think they sometimes treat Barney in the show (grrrr - final), but also look at what happens after that kiss. How they work on what was wrong, and how it over time gets to a better place... So now starts the part of the story where Robin (and Barney) has to deal with the consequences of her actions.

— Chapter 10 —

When they got their breath back a little bit, Barney rolled over, bringing her with him, so that she was laying on his chest.

«That was amazing.» She told him, her fingers running slowly over his chest.

«It really was.» He said back while kissing her forehead.

«I love you!» She kissed his chest as she said it. She just couldn't get enough of him.

Barney was silent for a long time, and Robin turned her head to look at him, concern evident on her face.

Barney looked uncomfortable. «I…» He took a deep breath. «I'm not ready to say that yet.»

Robin felt her heart beat faster. «You don't love me?» The fear was evident in her voice. When he kissed her earlier, she just assumed that it was his way of answering. That it was his way of telling her that he loved her to. But what if it wasn't? What if this hadn't meant the same to him as it did to her? What if this was to little to late?

Barney pulled away from her and got out of the bed. Robin was left clutching the sheet, a feeling of panic rising in her.

She watched as Barney paced back and forth a couple of times before turning towards her.

«I… I have feelings. I'm just not ready to jump right back into things with us.» He tried to explain.

«You really hurt me Robin, and I'm not sure I trust you enough to be totally open with you again just yet.»

That hurt. The pain was now evident on both of their faces, as Robin realized she had done this to him. She had hurt him so much that he now wasn't ready to tell her he loved her. Or to be with her.

«I'm so sorry Barney. I'm so sorry I hurt you! I cant stand to think that I did that, because all I want to do is love you.» She got out of the bed and walked up to him.

«I know that. And you don't have to keep apologizing. You already did that. I'm not saying this to get you to apologize, or to make you feel bad in any way. I'm just trying to explain how I feel. Why I can't say it back right now.»

Robin let this all sink in, not really sure how to react.

«So where does this leave us?» She asked him.

He looked at her, probably seeing the worry on her face. Walking over to her, he wrapped his arms around her waist and brought her closer to him.

«I hope it leaves us with being in a relationship.» He smiled down at her.

«I want to be with you Robin. I just need us to take things slow. I need to learn how to trust you again. How to trust us again.»

Robin felt relief rushing thru her. «I understand. And I swear to God, I won't ever do anything to make you doubt us again.» She smiled back at him.

«Good!» He said leaning in to kiss her again. And just like that round two was a go.


	11. Chapter 11

— Chapter 11 —

Waking up in Barney's arms had felt incredible. The sex that followed was even more incredible. Then the sex in the shower was just the icing on the already perfect cake.

Now she was standing in the kitchen, with her arms wrapped around him, kissing his bare back as he made them an omelet for breakfast.

«This is perfect» She breathed out.

«Good. I'm glad you happy.» He said, caressing her hand that was wrapped around his stomach. «Personally, I think the only thing that would make this moment any better, was if I knew I'd get to bang you on the kitchen table after we eat.»

She laughed a little into his back. «I think that could be arranged.»

«Sweet!» He pumped a fist into the air, as she pulled away from him to set the table.

«So, what do we tell the others?» She asked, changing the subject.

«I'm ok with them knowing if you are. Their going to meddle of course, but.. I think we can handle it.»

«Me to.» She said back. «And actually, I kind of want to shout it from the rooftops.» The smile on her face was so big, she thought her skin would actually get stretched.

He laughed at her as he came over and sat the now finished omelet down on the table. «Be my guest» he said, kissing her forehead before they both sat down to eat.

«So when should we tell them?» She asked him, digging into the food. Man, having lots and lots of sex with Barney, really made you work up an appetite.

«Let's do it tomorrow. Today I just want to hang around here, and have you all to myself.» He smiled a wicked smile at her, making it clear what his intensions were.

«Well I already called in sick to work, so you've got me for the whole day. Do whatever you want with me.» She smiled her own wicked smile back at him.

«Really?» He said raising an eyebrow at her, in an challenging manner.

«Really!» She confirmed.

«Keep talking like that Scherbatsky, and I might not be able to wait.»

«Well, we wouldn't want that now would we. You'll need your strength for some of the things I have planed for us today.»

That certainly got his interest. «Really? Like what?» He looked like a kid in a candy store, bouncing a little in his seat.

«Well, do you still have those cameras in your room?» She smiled an almost evil smile, knowing exactly what she was doing to him. «And that whole thing about a sex swing. Was that just a joke? Or do you really have one?»

«Do I… I…» Barney couldn't seem to get the words out. «Come!»

And with that he grabbed her hand and dragged her into the bedroom, ready to show her that none of it was a joke.

3

The next night they walked into MacLaren's holding hands, ready to show the gang (now, this automatically included Sara and Mark as well), and the rest of the world that they were together. And as predicted, they were bombarded with questions as soon as they all sat down.

Having gotten all the mandatory '_We're so happy for you_'s out of the way, Lily was the first to start asking questions.

«When did this happen?»

«It happened tuesday night.» Robin answered for the both of them, as Barney put his hand around her shoulder, bringing her closer to him.

«So that's why we didn't hear from you all day yesterday? You were busy banging? Nice!» Mark announced, giving Barney a high five.

«So your back together now? Like for real?» Marshall was clearly excited about the prospect of two of his best friends finding their way back to each other.

«Yes. We are.» Barney said while smiling down at her.

«But, like.. How did this happen?» Lily asked, clearly surprised at this new development.

«Well, I guess I've just been realizing lately how much I've been messing things up. And then after talking to Ted earlier this month, and then Sara on tuesday, I was finally honest with him and told him how I feel, and how sorry I am for all the things I've put him thru lately. Thankfully, he forgave me.» Robin smiled up at Barney as she said this, and he leaned down to place a small kiss on her lips.

Ted, Sara and Mark smiled happily for the two lovers. Lily and Marshall on the other hand, looked confused.

«What do you mean 'the things you've put him thru'? What have you put him thru?» Marshall wanted to know.

And so Robin started to explain all the things that had been happening between them lately without the others knowing about it.

Lily and Marshall were both shocked to hear what Barney had been going thru, and at the hands of Robin no less. They both felt bad for not seeing how sad Barney had been, and not being able to be there for him, for which Barney forgave them right away of course.

«So how serious is this thing between you?» Marshall wanted to know, practically bouncing in his chair, not being able to control his excitement. «Are you just sleeping together? Are you in a relationship? Are you exclusive? Are there church bells?»

He was cut of by Lily elbowing him in the ribs, giving him a stern look to let him know he'd gone to far. Then she turned hopeful eyes towards Robin and Barney, clearly just as interested in the answer as her husband was.

Robin felt awkward. They'd talked about wanting to be together, but with Barney having trouble trusting her, they hadn't really put a label on it. It being brought up like this, made her uncomfortable. She didn't really know how to answer it, and she found herself being nervous about how Barney would answer.

She was staring down into the table, her body tense when she felt Barney squeezing her shoulder. She looked up into his eyes and found him smiling down at her. «We're definitely together in an exclusive relationship!» he said keeping his eyes locked on hers.

She felt the tension easing out of her body, and she relaxed against him, bringing her hand up to stroke the tie on his chest.

«So you love each other?» Lily prompted.

«I…» Now it was Barney's turn to be uncomfortable. It was hard enough for him to reveal his innermost thought to her, let alone try and explain them to the rest of the group.

The hand that wasn't stroking his tie, grabbed his hand that was resting in his lap, and gave it a squeeze.

«We're taking things slow, getting used to being together again. All that matters right now, is that we found our way back to each other. Everything else will have to wait.» She said it with a determined tone, giving both Marshall and Lily a stern look, making it clear that they should drop the subject.

They both looked torn for a while, clearly wanting to ask a lot more questions. However before they could say anything else, Sara interrupted them.

«So, Lars and I broke up!» She announced. «Found him in his office, banging some other dude.» As the others lunged into their outrage, and bombarded Sara with questions on this new topic, Barney pulled Robin as close to his chest as he could get her, and gave her a lingering kiss on her forehead, thanking her for defending their relationship.

3

Later that night, Robin came out of the bathroom to discover Barney missing from their booth. A quick look around revealed him standing in deep conversation with Sara, over by the bar. She decided to walk over to them, actually missing Barney after only a short trip to the bathroom. God, she was pathetic.

«I'm just not sure she understands..» She could hear Barney saying as she walked up to them and wrapped her hands around his waist.

The conversation came to a holt the moment they saw her.

«What are you up to?» She asked.

«Nothing.» Barney quickly replied, throwing his arm around her shoulder. «You want another drink?»

It was clear he didn't want to tell her what the conversation was about. She decided rather then getting into it here, she would ask him about it later. «Sure. I'll have another scotch, please.»

«Coming right up!» He turned towards the bar, his hand absentmindedly drawing circles on her back, while he spoke to the bartender.

3

Several hours later they were sitting in a cab heading towards Barney's place. They were so wrapped up in each other it was hard to tell were one ended and the other one started.

Barney's fingers were playing with her hair, while her arms were wrapped tightly around his middle.

They had been quiet for a long time, just enjoying the silence and each others company. Enjoying the feel of the other next to them.

«Barney..?»

«Uh?» He's answer was barely more then a grunt.

«What were you and Sara talking about at the bar earlier?»

She was answered with silence. Barney kept playing with her hair, not moving away from her in any way. The only way she knew he had any sort of reaction to her question was his breathing picking up a little bit.

«You don't have to tell me if you don't want to.»

Barney gave a sigh. «It's not that.»

She waited for him to continue.

«It's just not important. We were just talking.»

She felt like he had been about to say something else. Something more. But he changed his mind.

«Okay?» He asked her, clearly wondering if his answer was good enough.

«Of course» She answered back.

They went back to riding the cab in silence again.

This was her own fault, she thought. This was the consequences of her own action. This was Barney, not feeling like he could trust her with his deepest thought. Instead he went to Sara with them. She couldn't deny that it hurt. She also couldn't deny that it was completely her own fault. She had made him like this. She had changed him into this person that felt like he had to hide his fears from her. Like he couldn't totally open up to her. And she couldn't blame him. All she could do was to do her best to make him trust her again.


	12. Chapter 12

— Chapter 12 —

A couple of week's later Barney and Robin were still going strong. They had settled into a routine were they spent practically every free minute of every day together.

Altho they hadn't officially moved in together yet, Robin had only spent one night at her own place since they made up and started seeing each other again. Afterwards they both agreed it was a bad experience, and that they didn't want to do it again.

Spending all their time at Barney's wasn't really a conscious decision, it just sort of worked out that way. Barney really loved his place, having designed it himself from scratch, and Robin thought there was something nice and cosy about a place that was so… _Barney._

She also loved the fact that she got to learn all these new little things about him.

Like the fact that even though he had a maid who did most of the housework, he was really particular about making his bed. He would do it himself every morning. One time she had tried to do it for him, and she had found him in the bedroom remaking it, saying she didn't really get the corners right, and it was just better if he did it himself.

Or like the fact that even though he had this giant TV, he didn't really watch it a lot. It was much more likely to find him reading a book, something he had sworn her to secrecy about, saying it would ruin his reputation with the rest of the gang.

There were a thousand of these little things. Like the fact that he only ate the stalk on the broccoli, he could never fall asleep before 2 am, he peeled his apples and if she was to far away from him on the bed, he sometimes whispered her name in his sleep.

Robin loved every new little thing she discovered about him. They all made her love him even more, if that was even possible. She was seriously considering buying a journal and writing it all down, just so she could rediscover how wonderful he was, again and again.

Even though they were practically living together neither one of them had brought up the subject of actually moving in together. Robin understood that this was a result of Barney not trusting her completely, and had decided not to approach the subject.

It still hurt her, knowing that he found it so hard to trust her again. It hurt the worst on the nights when she would find him in deep conversation with Sara or Mark, knowing that he was confiding in them, what he felt he couldn't in her.

Not that he didn't try. There were several times when she felt like he was struggling with something he wanted to say, but just couldn't get out. Or he would tell her something he was thinking about, and she could see how nervous he was about it. But she had promised herself she wouldn't push him, and she was going to keep that promise.

He could take all the time he needed, she wasn't going anywhere.

Right now she was laying next to him in bed, watching him sleep.

He looked so peaceful when he slept.

She let one finger slide across his face, and he let out a small sigh. She loved seeing the affect she had on him, even in his sleep.

Now, however it was time for him to wake up, so she kept running her hands over his face and upper body, slowly waking him up.

When his eyelashes finally fluttered open, a smile spread across his face.

«Morning» He grunted out in his sexy morning voice.

«Good morning» She smiled back, leaning in to kiss him.

He let his hands slide up her legs, briefly squeezing her ass, before sliding up her back and pressing her close to him.

Just as he was starting to deepen the kiss, she pulled away shaking her head. «No time for that I'm afraid. Unless we get up right now, we're both gonna be late for work.»

«Then let's be late!» He whispered seductively into her ear, while pressing himself into her, showing her just how awake he was.

With all her strength, she managed to push him of her. «We've already been late 3 times this week, not to mention last week. I got a warning from my boss Barney!»

She got out of the bed. «So no, no matter how much we might want to, we can not be late again.»

«Fine.» He said getting out of bed as well. «I'll behave.»

And thus began their morning routine together.

After tearing away from each other and getting out of bed, they would both start getting ready for the day. Robin would go into the bathroom first, while Barney picked out his suit for the day and made the bed.

When Barney got to the bathroom he would start shaving while Robin finished up in the shower.

(Showering together was only allowed on weekends, otherwise they would get distracted, and use way to much time.)

When Robin was done showering, Barney would get in, while Robin did her hair and make up.

Usually they would finish up around the same time, and they would head to the kitchen together.

Once there, Robin would make the coffee and set the table, while Barney made the food.

Sitting down together for breakfast was new for both of them, but they had quickly decided it was becoming one of their favorite moments in the day.

This morning Barney had made an omelet that they shared, while talking thru their day.

Barney remembered he had to leave early for a meeting, and instead of their usual routine of cleaning up together and then going down to the street together, kissing goodbye before getting into separate cabs, he had to run out halfway thru the meal.

«I'll see you at MacLauren's tonight. I shouldn't be any later then seven at the most.» He said as he was rushing thru the apartment, getting his things together.

«Have a nice day.» She said as she followed him to the door, handing him his phone.

She gave him a quick kiss as he was about to walk out the door. «And good luck with those asian guy's. I'm sure you'll do great. I love you!»

«Love you too!» He said back, just as the door closed behind him.

She froze. She said it all the time. She had made a point out of reminding him that she loved him, even if he couldn't say it back yet. Not that she did it to pressure him in any way. She just wanted to remind him that she loved him. No matter what. That he could always count on her love.

But he hadn't said it back. Not once. Not until now.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the door being opened again.

Barney looked panicked. Shocked at his own words. Clearly it wasn't something he had meant to say. It had just slipped out.

She stepped up to him, cooping his face in her hands.

«Don't worry. It was just a slip of the tongue. It happens, and it's not a big deal. If you want to, we can just pretend it never happened.» She leaned in and gave him a gentle kiss on the lips.

«Now go, before you miss your meeting. I'll see you tonight.» She gave him a smile as he turned around to walk out the door yet again, still with a slightly worried look on his face.

When the door closed behind him, she turned around to start cleaning up their breakfast. Well, she thought to herself, that was an interesting development.


	13. Chapter 13

— Chapter 13 —

Later that night, Robin was starting to worry that her 'interesting development', had turned into a problem.

Barney had said he would be there by seven at the latest, and it was now past ten.

She was really starting to panic. What if he had freaked out? What if this was to much for him to handle? What if he didn't want to be with her anymore?

In reality, she knew she was being ridiculous. It was just three hours, and she was freaking out like he had been missing for days.

She was just so worried about what had happened this morning. That it had freaked him out. Maybe her calm reaction this morning hadn't calmed him down like she had thought it would. Maybe he felt like she was pushing him away again, not letting him talk about it…

Before she could obsess any more about it, Barney walked into the bar, and all her ridiculous thoughts were blown out of her head.

He looked exhausted. Completely worn out.

The normally perfect suit was wrinkled, and he had bags under his eyes.

It made her want to take him straight home and put him to bed. And not in a sexy way. More in a nurturing way.

When he made his way over to their table, he dumped down in the seat next to her.

«Man, you look terrible.» Ted let out, and Robin sent him a glare across the table.

«What happened?» Mark asked, a hint of concern in his voice.

«Nothing really, just had a really long day. Didn't really have time for any breaks.»

«You worked for almost fourteen hours without a break? Not even to eat?» The lecturing disapproval in Robin's voice was clear to everyone at the table.

«Yea, it was just one of those day's I suppose.» Barney replied.

«We have to get some food in you.» Robin waved one of the bartenders over telling him to bring two of Barney's favorite meals out as soon as possible.

Barney dropped his head down on her shoulder. «Thanks for taking care of me baby!»

After Barney had eaten he looked a lot better. Robin kept suggesting that they should go home, but Barney insisted they stay longer.

Finally the only one's left of the gang was Barney, Robin and Sara.

As Sara excused herself to go to the bathroom, Barney and Robin were left alone.

She could tell that something was up. His entire body was tense, and he kept staring out in front of him.

«What's wrong Barney?»

«I want to ask you something. And I don't want you to take it the wrong way.» He sounded nervous about it.

She braced herself, determined that whatever it was she could handle it, and give it to him. Whatever he wanted.

He glanced nervously over at her, where she sat patiently waiting for him to continue.

«I…» He took a deep breath before starting again. «I want to talk to Sara.»

He was back to staring straight ahead again. «Alone.»

The last word came out quietly, almost like he was ashamed to say it.

«Okay.» Robin forced out, trying not to sound hurt or disappointed.

«I'll just go home then, and I'll see you when you get back.» She started to collect her things.

«Unless you don't want me to go ho… I mean… I could go back to my place. If you don't want me to..»

He interrupted her, finally looking her in the eye again, the worry evident when he looked at her.

«No! I don't want you to..» He took a deep breath.

«I just need a moment to talk, and then I'll see you when I get home!»

«Okay.» She looked at him as she put her jacket on, ready to leave. He looked… torn.

«It's okay Barney.» She grabbed his hand, giving it a squeeze.

He looked her in the eye, squeezing her hand back. «Thank you»

And with that she turned around and left.

But it wasn't okay.

It should be. He deserved for it to be.

But as she got into the cab, she couldn't help the tear that ran down her cheek.

She was already in bed when he got home. She could hear the door open and then close.

He actually wasn't that far behind her, which made her feel relieved.

But in the time that had past since she had to leave him at the bar, her mind had been working none stop. Leaving her, of course, a nervous wreck by the time he came home.

She could hear him sneaking into the room, trying to be quiet.

He was undressing, throwing his clothes on the floor, something that was not like him at all.

Then she felt the covers shift and the mattress move as he got into bed next to her.

His hands came around her middle, wrapping around her, as he pressed his body into her back.

She could feel him burying his head in her hair, breathing her in.

They just laid there quietly, until he whispered «Are you awake?»

She let her hand stroke down over his that were still wrapped tightly around her. «Yes» She whispered back.

When he finally continued talking, he was still whispering. Like it was to scary to say the words out loud. «It was about this morning. What I said. I needed to talk to her about what I said.»

Her hand was still stroking his arm rhythmically. She didn't know what to say, so she decided it was best to just let him talk.

When he eventually spoke again, his voice was actually shaking.

«The thing is… I feel that. I always have.»

He took a pause again.

«I love you»

«But after risking everything, and being so… broken.»

His whole body started shaking now, as if it was working against him, trying to stop him from getting the words out.

«I'm so scared Robin! I'm so scared of losing you again. I love you so much. I love you more than I've ever loved anything or anyone, and I just couldn't survive losing you again.»

She turned around in his arms. «You'll never have to!»

And with that her lips landed on his.

They made love that night. Passionate love. With her repeating again and again how much she loved him.


	14. Chapter 14

Another NC17 moment at the start of this chapter. If you don't like that, just skip the beginning.

— Chapter 14 —

He still didn't feel completely comfortable saying that he loved her.

It had been a couple of weeks since he first blurted it out, and then reluctantly admitted to her that he loved her.

Since then, he had said it more and more. At first it was just whispering it in the dark, or in the middle of making love. Then he would say it whenever they were in bed together. Lately he had said it a couple of times around the apartment.

But he still hadn't said a word about it in public.

Right now, they were sitting in their usual booth in MacLauren's, and Barney had his hand up her skirt, under the table, slowly pushing her underwear aside so that he could run his fingers in-between her lips.

Ted, Marshall and Mark were at the table as well, but they were all in the middle of a heated discussion about which Brad Pitt film was the best one, not really paying Robin and Barney any attention.

This was a game they would play sometimes, trying to get the other one of, without the rest of the gang noticing. They had gotten pretty good at picking their moments. So far, the closest they had got to getting caught, was Lily giving them a very suspicious look after Barney couldn't help letting out a loud groan into her hair as he came.

After that, it had almost seemed like Lily had been on the look out for anything happening between them.

Now, however, Lily wasn't here.

Barney let his fingers slid up, circling around her clit, and Robin took a deep breath, trying to stay calm.

Barney said something about Fight Club being a classic, just as he pressed two fingers into her.

Robin couldn't help her eyes rolling into the back of her head for a moment, before she was able to concentrate on the table again.

From the corner of her eye she could see Barney hiding a smile behind his drink as he started pumping in and out of her at a steady pace.

Her hand landed on his thigh, holding on for all she was worth.

As he speed up a little, and brought his thumb up to circle over her clit, she couldn't focus on the table anymore.

Her head fell to his shoulder, turning her face into the back of it, so that she was somewhat hidden from the rest of the gang.

Her breathing was heavy, and she had completely tuned out the conversation taking place at the table.

All she could concentrate on was the feel of his fingers pumping into her.

With a hard thrust he stabbed himself deeper, and it was all she could do not to cry out.

She was right at the edge, when he leaned over, whispering in her ear. «I love you.»

And with that she came. Hard.

Her interior body shook just a little, the hand on his thigh grabbed on so tight, he was sure to have bruises for weeks, and she bit down on his shoulder, trying not to make any sounds.

She was still breathing hard when he pulled out of her, wiping his fingers on the insides of her thighs, and putting her underwear back in place.

Looking up at him, he gave her a wicked smile, clearly pleased with himself.

She couldn't help herself, as she grabbed onto his face and kissed him, hard. Pushing her tongue into his mouth.

«Hey, what's with the pda guys?» Ted interrupted.

Marshall was quick to agree with him. «Yea, save it for the bedroom.»

They quickly pulled away from each other, Robin letting out an embarrassed «Sorry.»

Barney however wasn't embarrassed at all. «Not my fault if my woman can't resist me, guys.»

«Oh, please.» Ted muttered, turning back to the conversation.

Barney looked at Robin with a warm smile on his face. «Do you want to move in?»

«I mean, I know that we practically live together as it is, but let's make it official. Move your things over.»

The smile on Robin's face was radiant. «Yes!» And she couldn't help but kiss him again, restarting the guys protests.

This was a big step in the right direction. Barney was starting to trust her again, so much so, that he was ok with them living together.

This meant that he had faith in their relationship again. That he could trust them enough to change his life.

And he didn't even look panicked when he said it.

She was beyond ecstatic.

3

«Seriously, how many things needs to have a Canadian flag on them?» Barney asked as he packed out a bathrobe covered in lots of different size Canadian flags.

«What? I love my country. Is that a crime?» Robin asked snatching the robe away from him, and hanging it up next to his.

She had to smile as she saw their two robes hanging next to each other. This day was just perfect. Seeing all their things blending together… It was all she ever wanted, for the rest of her life.

«It is when your country is Canada.» Barney said, with a little shake of his shoulders, as if he was trying to shake the whole thought of Canada out of his body.

«Actually, I think it's good for you to be surrounded by all these little reminders of our native land. Might help you get in touch with your inner Canadian.» She put emphasis on _our_, reminding him that he was one quarter Canadian himself.

«Me moving in here might be the best thing that has ever happened to you!» She said with a teasing smile on her face.

He came over to wrap his arm around her. «Well I'm sure that it is, but that has nothing to do with Canada.» Leaning in, he gave her a sweet kiss.

Once they pulled away from each other again, she gave him a wicked smile. «You know, I have some Canada things that I'm sure your gonna like.»

«I doubt it.» He said with a roll of his eyes.

«They are in that box that we can't unpack until the others are gone.»

That certainly got his attention. Earlier Lily had starter opening a box, and Robin had totally freaked out. Hiding the box away, she had explained to him that it was best if they opened that box, just the two of them. Later. Perhaps when they were getting ready to go to bed.

«Really? That sounds interesting.» He squeezed her ass a little as he said it.

«Oh, you have no idea!» And with that they were kissing again, except this time it was anything but sweet.

«The pizza's here!» Lily poked her head into the room.

«Ah, come on you guys!» She complained. «You can't invite us over to help out, and then expect us to do all the work while you just keep making out.»

«Sorry Lily!» Robin said. «This is the last time. I swear!»

«Phhhfft!» Barney let out a little laugh next to her.

«Yea, right!» Lily said, clearly not believing her either. «Just come eat!»

They followed her out into the living room where the rest of the gang were gathered around four pizza boxes on the coffee table.

«So, how does it feel to be officially living together?» Marshall asked as he got himself a slice of pizza.

Robin looked over at Barney, letting him be to one to answer. «It feels great! Not many things have changed really, except for there now being Canada stuff all over my previously cool apartment.» He looked over to Robin with a slight frown on his face at this. «I mean, we were practically living together already.»

«Yea, you practically lived together from the moment you got back together. That's like… moving freakishly fast. And that was after that whole speech about taking things slow.» Ted managed to get this out, all the while stuffing pizza into his mouth.

«It just… felt right I guess.» Barney said as he and Robin smiled at each other.

«Who would have ever thought we would hear Barney Stinson say it felt right to be living with a girl.» Both Lily and Marshall shook their heads in agreement of what Ted said.

Lily was the next person to speak again. «So now that you seem to be doing so good. Is it okay to ask if you love each other?»

Robin glanced over at Barney nervously. Of course Lily had to push the subject, this gang really didn't have any boundaries. Barney had just started being comfortable saying it to her. Announcing it in front of the whole gang was something else interiorly.

«Of course we love each other Lily. Where have you been lately?» Barney said like it was the most natural and obvious thing in the world, all the while eating his second slice of pizza.

At first Robin was speechless. Then Barney looked at her with a goofy smile on his face. She leaned into him and kissed him.

«Well, that didn't last long.» They heard Lily muttering in the background, but neither one of them cared.

They were both just to blissfully happy.


	15. Chapter 15

Ok, so we're getting closer to the end. This is the big one where they really talk everything out, and the next will be the last chapter... Hope someone likes it..:)

— Chapter 15 —

«Why did you choose Kevin?»

His question took Robin completely by surprise.

They were laying in bed together, and the room was completely dark. After making love, he was spooning up against her from behind.

His question had been so quiet, she almost wasn't sure she had heard him right.

«What?»

He was quiet for a while before repeating his question.

«Why did you choose Kevin?»

«I…» Robin had to think about her answer. She had told him back when they got back together that she had been scared, but now that he was asking for an explanation for the first time, he deserved a better answer.

She just wasn't sure how to explain herself. How to put her thoughts and actions into words, when they didn't even make sense to herself.

«I was going to choose you.» She started. «I was so sure when we were on that boat, that I was going to break up with Kevin and finally be with you.»

She took a breath to collect her thoughts. Barney stayed quiet behind her, waiting for her to continue.

«Before we slept together, I was in total denial. I was insanely jealous, watching you with Nora. I didn't even admit it to myself, but I was so in love with you, watching you with her was like torture.»

«And then after we slept together, I was so confused. I knew I was in love with you, but…»

She took a long break, and when she continued, her voice was shaking.

«When we didn't work out the first time… It almost destroyed me. I have never felt like I fit with anyone, the way that I did with you. You were the only one that I have ever loved like that, or have so vividly seen a future with. The thought of going thru that kind of pain again…»

She took a deep breath, her voice shaking a little at the end.

Barney pressed her closer to him, kissing her shoulder. Silently urging her to go on.

«I don't think I have ever been so scared of anything in my life. I was sure I would die if I had to go thru losing you again.»

«But at the same time, I have never wanted something so desperately either.»

«I'm not really explaining it right, but does that make sense?»

Barney thought for a while before answering.

«No, I understand. I kind of felt the same way.»

Now it was Robin's turn to stay quiet while Barney collected his thoughts.

«I guess we're the same. We're were both so scared of commitment, it kept getting in our way.»

Barney wasn't sure if he should continue. What he was going to say was so cheesy, he was sure she would laugh at him. But as she lay quietly waiting for him to continue, he decided to take the chance.

«I think we were always destined to end up together. It was just a matter of time.»

As soon as it left his mouth he could hear how lame it sounded.

«I mean, not in a Ted kind of way! None of that romantic, universe is leading us together with little birds singing, and harps playing in the background.»

«I just think that there is no other person in this world I could be with like you. That I could love, like I love you… So… I just had to end up with you. It was that, or… nothing, I guess.»

Robin turned around in his arms so that she could look at him, still keeping her body as close as she possibly could to his.

«I feel the same way. It had to be you! I could never be with anybody else, because no one else… fit. No one else came close! I could never love anyone even close to the way that I love you.»

As she said this, a smile spread across Barney's face. When she was done talking, they smiled at each other for a little while before she slowly leaned in to kiss him.

The kiss was unusually tender for the two of them. Usually they were all passion and at some times bruising hard kisses, teeth and tongues clashing together.

Now however, their lips were barely even touching, ghosting over each other, just feeling the other one out.

After teasing each other for a little while, their tongues came into action, but just as the kiss was about to deepen, Robin pulled away.

She wasn't done explaining her behavior.

«I never loved Kevin! It's important to me that you know that.»

Barney nodded slowly, taking in her words.

«Do you believe me?»

«Yes!» There was no hesitation what so ever in Barney's voice, and it brought a small smile to Robin's face.

«Like I said, I was confused about my own feelings, and scared of what could happen. And that fear made me back out at the last minute. Even though I knew it was wrong. Even though I knew I loved you, and only you.»

This time Barney broke the silence that followed her statement.

«Can I ask you something?»

«Of course.»

Barney looked nervous as he went on with his question.

«How can you say you were confused about your feelings, and at the same time say that you knew you loved me?»

He looked hesitantly at her, as if he was afraid she would get mad.

«I think, some part of me always knew that I loved you. I was in denial for a long time. But the feelings were always there.»

«Then… After we slept together, I knew for sure that I loved you. But even after that it took some time to admit that I wanted to be with you. That I wanted a future with you. Being the commitment-phobic that I am, loving you didn't automatically lead to a relationship and a future. Admitting that I wanted that as well, was an entirely different process.»

She gave him a small smile when she said this. They both knew that that particular problem was something they had in common.

«When I finally admitted that, it took me even more time to be able to trust the fact that we could work out, that there was actually a chance of that future becoming a reality.»

Her face turned serious again, and she began tracing the lines of his face with her finger as she went on.

«I think that is why I was so mean to you. I was so angry at all these feelings, and not being able to handle them. I knew I had chosen wrong, and yet I didn't have the guts to do anything about it. I felt like I was stuck in the wrong life, watching the life I should have had slip thru my fingers, and I couldn't get myself to do anything about it.»

The frustration grew in her voice as she was talking about it.

«It just filled me with all this anger. I was angry all the time! And then… Not really knowing what to do with it, I just directed it all at you.»

«I'm so sorry Barney!» By this point, her eyes had tears in them.

«I love you so much, and yet I treated you horribly! I don't know how I could have done that. I love you more then anything, and I… I broke your heart…. I…» By this point she was crying so much that she had trouble getting the words out. Barney leaned forward bringing her into his arms, hugging her close to his body.

When she had calmed down again, she pulled back, wiping her eyes.

«I'm so sorry Barney!»

He brushed his hand over her cheek, drying the remains of her tears away.

«It's okay. I understand.»

«How can it be okay? I almost destroyed you! And how can you understand, when I'm not even sure that I understand it?»

She was working herself up again, getting more and more upset. Barney started stroking her hair, trying to calm her down.

«It's okay, because I love you more than anything, and there is nothing that you could ever do that I couldn't forgive.»

She was about to say something to this, but Barney just went on, not letting her get a word in.

«And I understand because we're alike! I went thru a lot coming to terms with my feeling too. It took a long time before I could admit that I wanted a future with you. I didn't lash out on you, but trust me, I did a lot of other stupid stuff. And it was hard. It was really hard. Knowing that I loved you, but thinking I could never have you, almost drove me insane.»

«So when I say I understand. I really do understand how hard it can be, and what can drive you to do the wrong thing.»

«And when I say it's okay, I really mean it! Because I love you. More that anything.»

«And I believe you when you say that you never loved Kevin, because I believe in us now. I believe that you love me as much as I love you. And in that case you can't have loved Kevin, because I could never love anyone else either.»

A smile spread thru the tears on Robin's face as he said this.

He trusted her. He trusted them.

This was it. They had done it! They had rebuilt what was broken. They had put it behind them, and were now truly ready for a future together. She had never felt so safe, or so exhilarated in her entire life.

«I love you!» She told him, her eyes sparkling with happiness.

«I love you too!» He said back, the same happiness shining back at her thru his eyes.

At the same time, they both crashed into each other kissing, and this time there was nothing soft about their kisses. They were filled with passion. Just as their lovemaking was for the rest of the night.


	16. Chapter 16

— Chapter 16 —

«Hey sweetie, was it the chocolate or vanilla flavor Lily and Marshall liked so much the last time they were over?»

Barney walked over to his wife who was picking out a wine for the night.

«I think it was the vanilla one.» She replied while picking out a German white wine, and putting it into their basket.

They had been married for four years now.

Not long after they had talked everything out, he had proposed, and they were married just a couple of months later.

His proposal had taken everyone by surprise. Not the fact that he did it of course, but how he did it.

She had woken up to him stroking her hair, and watching her. When she opened her eyes, he had just smiled at her for a long time.

Then, just as she was about to talk, he had told her how much he loved her. How she had changed his life, and how he couldn't imagine being happy without her. How he would try for the rest of his life, to enjoy each and every minute he got to spend with her. How he pictured their life together. What they would experience together, and how precious each moment would be to him. How they would grow old together, and how even after a lifetime together, he was sure it would never be enough.

Then he reached behind him, and when he turned around again, he had a ring in his hand. He held it out to her.

«Robin. Will you be my wife?»

It still gave her chills to think about it.

It was quiet, intimate, and private. It was perfect.

The others all thought it was out of character for Barney, but Robin loved this side of him. A side he rarely showed, and a side that was reserved only for her.

The way they told the others was however anything but quiet and private, and involved tricking the others into thinking Robin had left him, having a big public fight, a concert by Bon Jovi and a big fireworks show.

After they were married, Robin worked as a foreign correspondent for two years. Barney made sure he was able to travel with her, and they loved it. They loved exploring the world together, and experiencing new cultures.

They were in Istanbul when Robin one night asked him how he felt about having kids. They stayed up all night discussing the possibility. At the end of that night they decided their traveling days were over, Robin asked to be transferred back to New York, and they started looking into ways that they could have children.

After looking into their options they decided to try a surrogate. They both wanted a baby that looked like the other, and with a surrogate, they would get a baby that was interiorly their own. A child that was a product of the two of them.

Haley was now 15 months old, and was currently sitting on her fathers shoulders, pointing around the store.

«Cookie!» She said, pointing towards the aisle that held her favorite flavor.

«Yes, you can get some cookies sweetie. Why don't you and daddy go get some for you and Martin, and mommy will meet you by the cash register.»

She watched as Barney and her daughter walked of, talking about what kind of cookie Martin would like.

Before Barney she had never imagined herself as a mother. Actually she had never imagined herself as a wife either, but with him, it just seemed right. He made her rethink her life, and the way she saw the world. Somehow when she lived her life with him, it didn't seem scary, or boring, or any of the things she was afraid family life would be. It was just perfection.

Not that they never fought, or went thru hard times. Of course they did. But they both knew that no matter what, they loved each other, and would spend the rest of their lives together. And they both trusted that 100%.

After paying and getting their things together, they left the store, walking down the street, with Haley between them, talking happily, as she held her parents hands. It took them a lot more time getting home of course, because Haley had just started walking, but it didn't matter. They cherished the time they had together as a family.

And even though Barney wasn't the player anymore, and never would be again, he was happier then he ever thought he could be. And Robin wasn't the career driven woman she had wanted to be, but her life was everything and so much more then she could have ever wished for.

The end

That was it.. The story is done. Hope you like it, and that the end didn't seem to rushed, but I just got kind of sick of writing..

Thank you so much to those of you that reviewed, you are the reason I got through this. You made my day. Every time. 3


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